What Did You Struggle with Today?

Posted in Rambam Day School

FOSTERING GRIT AND GROWTH MINDSET
IN CHILDREN: THE POWER OF EMBRACING STRUGGLES

In a recent conversation with my 31-year-old son, he pointed out something thought-provoking: as adults, we often help children recognize the good in their lives, but we don’t always teach them how to succeed when things go wrong. This insight has stuck with me, especially as we think about how we, as parents and educators, can better prepare children for the challenges they’ll inevitably face.

As parents and educators, one of our primary goals is to instill grit and perseverance in our children and students. In her book Grit, Angela Duckworth emphasizes that exceptional achievement is not solely the result of talent but a unique combination of passion and persistence, which she defines as “grit.” Duckworth’s research has powerful implications for parents, educators, athletes, and business professionals, showing that sustained effort and resilience, not innate ability, are the keys to success.

GRATITUDE AND GROWTH: A BALANCED APPROACH

Many of us in the current generation of parents strive to celebrate milestones and foster gratitude in our children. At dinner tables, we often ask, “What are you grateful for today?” Gratitude allows us to actively recognize and appreciate the positive aspects of life, whether they arise from relationships, experiences, or simple everyday moments. This practice of acknowledging acts of kindness, expressing thankfulness, and fostering a mindset of abundance over scarcity has been shown to enhance well-being, strengthen relationships, and build resilience.

However, while we champion gratitude, we must also ensure we are nurturing a growth mindset in our children. This is where we fall short. We celebrate gratitude for what we have, but how often do we encourage gratitude for the struggles and the tools we used to overcome them? The process of struggle and resilience is just as important as the positive moments we often highlight.

GROWTH MINDSET: DEVELOPING GRIT IN CHILDREN

As educators and parents, we have the ability to influence the way our children deal with challenges. One of the most powerful tools we can introduce is a growth mindset. Developed by psychologist Carol Dweck, the growth mindset is based on the belief that abilities are not fixed but can be developed through dedication and hard work. This mindset fosters resilience and grit, qualities that are critical to success in life.

So, if success in life is tied to grit, perseverance, and a growth mindset, how are we helping students develop these essential qualities? One way is by encouraging them to face challenges head-on and learn from their struggles.

“WHAT DID YOU STRUGGLE WITH TODAY?”

The question “What did you struggle with today?” is a powerful tool for fostering a growth mindset. It encourages children to reflect on the challenges they face, understand that struggles are part of the process, and realize that not everything comes easy. This simple question acknowledges that failure is not something to fear but something to learn from. It gives children permission to fail, struggle, and use the tools and strategies needed to persevere through difficult situations.

BUILDING RESILIENCE IN SIMPLE STEPS

There are several practical steps we, as parents and educators, can take to develop resilience in children:

  1. Open the lines of communication by modeling resilience: Parents and teachers can share their own stories of struggle and overcoming obstacles. By modeling how we faced difficulties, sought solutions, and learned from our mistakes, we provide children with tangible examples of grit and perseverance.
  2. Brainstorming Solutions: When a child encounters a challenge, we can brainstorm instead of immediately offering a solution. Helping children explore different strategies to solve problems allows them to take ownership of their learning and gives them the tools to move forward independently. It also teaches them that there is more than one way to approach a problem and that failure doesn’t mean the end—it’s an opportunity for growth.
  3. Seek guidance and support: Teaching our children to ask for help when needed is not meant to solve
    the problem but rather to acquire additional tools and strategies to solve their own problems. Think about a child learning to walk- we cannot do it for them, but we can hold their hand until they become independent walkers.
  4. Don’t do for your child: It may seem easy to do something for your child in order to avoid stress in their lives. This strategy may work in the immediate future but does not give them the skills to grow and become independent. Sit with your child, speak to them, work through their struggles, and give them the strategies they will need in life.
  5. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results: While celebrating a child’s achievements is important, it’s just as crucial to praise the effort they put into their work. Recognizing persistence, hard work, and learning from setbacks reinforces that success is not just about the outcome but about the effort and resilience that go into achieving it.

EMBRACING STRUGGLES AS PART OF OUR CHILDREN’S JOURNEY

As we continue to nurture our children’s growth, it’s important to remember that success doesn’t always come easily. Instilling grit, perseverance, and a growth mindset requires teaching children to embrace both the positive and challenging moments in life. By encouraging gratitude for the process of learning— both the victories and the struggles—we can help our children build the resilience needed to thrive in an ever- changing world.

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